I went to a birthday party this evening; actually, it was a birthday dinner. It was held at a local Chinese restaurant. My friend was celebrating his fifty-fifth birthday, and like most over the age of fifty was a bit annoyed by how quickly time moves the older one gets.
I was the chauffeur for a party of four. We met John at the restaurant, and the delight at seeing him radiated from the birthday boy’s face. You see, the two are best friends but both haven’t talked to one another in more than four months. They weren’t arguing, nor were they feuding. They simply lost touch.
Four months may not seem a long time, but it was for my friend; especially since this involved his best friend John. During the course of our drive, some of the discussion centered on whether John would appear or not. Comment was made about effort and courtesies. Why wouldn’t you call someone back if they’ve left you a voice mail? It wasn’t speculation because no conclusion or theory was ever formed, but it was a form of disapproval.
I do agree with my friend that the courtesy of a call back is important. A normal expectation would be to receive a phone call from John indicating that he was busy. Having said this, I also empathize with John. No one asked him, why? And because of this no one can assume that his reason isn’t a valid one.
I have a circle of friends who I consider my best friends. We often tell each other (particularly when we haven’t spoken in months), “It’s like we were out yesterday.” We have a good time even when it’s been some time. Our expectations are a bit different, and I suppose I take this fact for granted because I couldn’t relate to the feelings that were expressed in the car. I was reminded that we are all different.
Knowing expectations is quite different from setting expectations. As human beings, we must learn both in order to understand one another or else time will not forgive us once it comes to knock on our doors one last time.
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