Relationships are not built on love. They are built on trust. This was something said by a professor I know. She teaches interpersonal communication. I was sitting in her class when she said this, and I found it so profound that I had to write it down. I had to share it.
Trust not love.
I have always believed that love is the foundation of a relationship, no doubt because I am a romantic at heart.
I believe most of us are romantics actually. Even if we don’t admit to it, we are. We still romanticize about falling in love for the first time; falling in love all over again; impromptu beach picnics with wine and cheese; a new love stealing us away from life’s doldrums. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Romance keeps the heart beating. It nurtures possibility and fosters hopes and dreams.
Trust is one of those relational aspects that must be cared for and recognized if the relationship is going to last; something that must be reinforced over time. When the professor spoke her words about trust and love she was referring to romantic relationships, but she also enforced the notion that trust is apparent in all types of relationships even friendships and work relationships.
One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life. —E.M. Forster
I knew a woman who always found herself being taken advantage of. She would meet a man, fall in love, start a relationship, and soon he would drain not only her bank accounts but her emotional well-being. She put a lot of trust in the men she met, giving them her time even before her closest friends. When she went to a therapist, she learned a lot about herself in this regard and she has since changed.
I can look back and examine my own moments where trust was an issue. I’m able to note where the trust broke down and where it finally ended. And I’m able to understand (probably for the first time) that love is not trust, and trust is not love. They are two separate things in a relationship, but trust is the foundation that love is built on. And romance . . . well, it’s the beauty between them both.
Copyright © Tyler Gant 2009
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