I left the house today because the most significant relationship in my life has been wounded. The damage came last night when I returned home late. I found the evidence of infidelity and collapsed in a terrible sadness. I cried, went to sleep, and the following day I found myself brooding about the previous evening like someone watching a movie over and over in slow motion.
We talked the next day; just the two of us, alone in the living room. Both of us cried over the affair and both of us didn’t know what to do. We have been together for seven years and I suppose this made the pain inside worse for each of us. At one point, I couldn’t take the despondency so I went for a walk.
I walked and I walked until I found myself inside a coffee shop. It wasn’t my daily hangout but it looked inviting and I needed to distract my conscious from thoughts of the past, the present, and the future.
I purchased a latte then found a quiet corner overlooking the street. Cars raced down the avenue in larger numbers as five o’clock became six o’clock. Thoughts of what to do pummeled any small peace that tried to settle my mind as I watched the city release its workers to go home.
I sat in this coffee shop for more than an hour before I returned to the apartment. I needed some type of assurance of how the future would unfold before the next day.
We talked some more and cried some more. Reconciliation was discussed, and I mentioned that I wanted to work toward healing the wound. I made a request for a therapist, an intermediary to help us mend the bone and muscle that were broken and torn. We both agreed to this.
Joy, love, compassion and fun filled the years of our relationship with enough light that one mistake cannot (and should not) eclipse. I cannot brood in the darkness. I must live in the light of forgiveness. This helps me to believe in a future that is good and whole again. It will take time to heal. I know this. But I can’t imagine the horizon without the love we have shared and continue to share. Most importantly, I can’t imagine a future without this someone I still love and cherish.
Copyright © Tyler Gant 2009
