Too often, I move about this world and I hear the word family used to segregate and separate, to valuate others in a way that isn’t just and certainly bigoted. Take the following conversation:
“Bob knows what he did was wrong.”
“Yes, and Paul knows what he did was wrong too.”
“I disagree. Paul really doesn’t understand. He deserves to be punished more than Bob.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Bob’s a family man, like you and I. He understands because he shares family values.”
The definition of the family is a simple one. In and of itself, the word is innocuous. When it is used to differentiate bad versus good, right versus wrong then it becomes a tool of prejudice.
In the essay before this one, the idea that family extends beyond the nuclear unit was presented. It was an idea that stemmed from those who do not have families; those who marry, have no children, or choose not to marry. How would they feel when put in the crosshairs of the telescope like Paul?
There is no denying the importance of family. A good family supports its members; looks after them in times of need; loves each member unconditionally. But with every family there are good times and bad times, good and bad feelings, arguments, courtesies; emotions that range across the spectrum of morality. So it isn’t unfair to say that even a family can be bad at times. Why should we equate the lack of one as something bad then?
Here is another example of a conversation.
“He is fifty years old. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring. Something is wrong with him. Maybe he’s gay.”
“Maybe he just doesn’t want to get married.”
“I asked him if he had a wife. He doesn’t.”
“So? That still doesn’t prove he doesn’t want to get married.”
“So, what kind of fifty-year-old is he, if he isn’t married and hasn’t got a family?”
These conversations occur all the time. We’ve heard them before. Now they are taking place within political, religious, and social organizations to label individuals as anathema; worst of all, sometimes the word is used to extinguish the love between parents and children—the very essence of family.
A shift must take place in the way we see and respect each other. This shift must occur first on the individual level before it can any place else.
Copyright © Tyler Gant 2010 for Just Moving Along .com
