I recently returned from a trip to San Francisco. It was a brief stay, three days, to see one of my best friends. It came on the heels of another trip. I flew home from Maui, had a twenty-four hour break, then I flew to San Francisco. It was a trip planned in earnest, a long overdue trip; the kind you promise over and over to make but never do. This time I was going. This month, I would make it.
It was a hot three days in San Francisco, a time for shorts, good food, and a beer or two. Through it all I was reminded over and over of how friendships often mirror familial relationships. I started to see how certain individuals build families around themselves when there is no family to speak of. And I was reminded of friends—past and present—who have been successful at this.
When I was a child, an elderly woman lived across the street from my family. Alissa had no children of her own, no husband either. Those who didn’t know her might suspect that she was a lonely individual, but those who did know her thought of her as family. They looked after her, invited her to dinners, hosted birthday parties for her.
She was a charismatic and friendly individual. She would have dinner parties and invite people over for lunch. She hired me to mow her lawn. She made the effort to build her relationships and always found personal ways to do so. She was like my friend in San Francisco, and she is certainly like others I know in Long Beach. She was far from being lonely.
In everything that we do in life, it takes effort. Whether we run a marathon, knit a sweater, drive to work, or mow the lawn all of this takes effort. And some of the most important effort comes from the maintenance of our relationships (family and friends). Each telephone call, each letter, each visit is a brick that we mortar into the foundation of our future. When someone without a family is able to create one through friendship, it is a remarkable feat.
I’m unaware of anyone who wants to be lonely. And I have to admire those who strive to build better relationships, who build family out of friends. They leave this life the wealthiest of us all.
